10 Pregnancy “Milestones” That Totally Deserve Celebration

10 Pregnancy “Milestones” That Totally Deserve Celebration

Pregnancy is a little bit like a marathon. It’s exhausting, seems to last forever, and at the end you’re just thankful you made it no matter how you got there. There are plenty of highs, but also plenty of lows (hello awkward first-trimester bloat where no one can tell if you’re actually pregnant!). But you know what would make the whole process a lot more enjoyable? Merit badges! You know, like the ones you got back in your Girl Scout days. Or at least the kind I would have gotten had I not dropped out after the second week … Well, apparently no such badges exist, so I decided to remedy this travesty by creating my own. Over the course of my two previous pregnancies I’ve earned 9 out of 10 of these — not bad! 1. You rode public transit during your first trimester. Although there are a select few women who manage to escape the first trimester without experiencing nausea and a heightened sense of smell, a great many women are not so lucky. Now braving public transit with its “interesting” (and that’s putting it kindly) sights and smells during that nauseous period? Well, if that doesn’t deserve a merit badge then I don’t know what does. Thankfully I never actually threw up while riding the bus or train, but I came incredibly close on more than one occasion. 2. You did karaoke with friends … and no alcohol. Karaoke is one of those things that probably deserves a merit badge all on its own, because even in the best of situations (i.e. when adult beverages are involved), it still requires a good...
The Funny Parents Of Twitter Talk The Special Joys Of Eating With Kids

The Funny Parents Of Twitter Talk The Special Joys Of Eating With Kids

Eating with kids. The picky, whiny bullshit. The constant messes. The tense negotiations for “one more bite”. Whether it’s at home or a restaurant, feeding your kids involves a huge set of potential challenges. Trying to get enough nutrients in them to survive can be incredibly stressful when they fight you at every turn and this topic is rightly fraught with stress and worry. However, it’s also full of moments where looking back, it’s maybe just a little bit funny. That’s what the parents of Twitter focus on in these hilarious parenting tweets about eating with kids. It may not be fun, but it sure can be funny. 1. You’ll do unspeakable things. I just ate some half-chewed food my son spit onto his plate. Parenting has reduced me to some kind of disgusting bird-man. DON’T LOOK AT ME! — Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 17, 2015 Before you had kids, the thought of putting another human’s half-chewed food in your mouth was unfathomable yet, here we are. They waste so much freaking food. If it’s not too mangled and slobbery, you know you’ll eat it. You have pretty low standards. This is who you are now. 2. Miraculous how that happens. Her: Eat your dinner. 5: My mouth hurts. Her: It didn’t hurt when we went for ice cream. 5: Yah, but I wanted that. — Keep Meh & Carry On (@TheAlexNevil) April 10, 2015 Children are totally guileless and just say whatever comes to mind, even if it incriminates them. Such pain for vegetables. But a magical recovery in time for ice cream. Because, of course. 3....
The First 4 Surprises of Parenting

The First 4 Surprises of Parenting

Becoming a parent for the first time comes with it’s share of surprises. Here are 4 that stand out. — #1 The Poop! The first black tar that comes out of your child is shocking.  After that the months are a blur but the amount of poop you’re handling and butt you’re wiping is etched in your brain.  The quantity increases exponentially with each increasing size of diaper.  When you’re at a 4 and you find a leftover NB on the bottom of the diaper bag that you finally have a free minute to clean out, you wonder how the NB fit on your baby, let alone hold any poop. You’re thinking to yourself, “This is so great.  I must be doing something right.  And I lucked out with such a healthy, normal kid!” You try to stay ahead of the tide of poop and be prepared to move up a size before the quantity becomes overwhelming, but it’s futile.  When you least expect it (meaning when you have no change of clothes available and you’re in the biggest rush), the poop will find its way out of your toddler’s clothing much like the Blob found its way out of each building that they tried to contain it in. If you haven’t experienced the poop crawling up baby’s back and exiting through its hair and neckline, you haven’t lived! ◊♦◊ #2 The Meltdowns! Your child is having the best day.  You haven’t seen him so happy-go-lucky and carefree.  He is enjoying every moment of quality time with you, his siblings, and anyone else who we meet along the way. ...
Dad Science: Cool Facts About What Makes A Dad

Dad Science: Cool Facts About What Makes A Dad

Dads rock and the term “good dad” is getting more and more complicated. Let’s take a look at a few Dad facts to better understand the “Old Man”. — As the role of moms has shifted, so has that of dads. The days of the stereotypical bumbling bread winner who doesn’t know how to change a diaper or pack a lunch are low on the horizon, making way for more and more working dads who also clean, cook, coach, console and communicate with their kids. The old stereotype is proving, well, old. A recent Pew Research Survey tells us that 48% of working dads, as compared to 52% of working moms, would rather be home with their kids than work. As traditional parenting roles shift, we’re learning more about how we define a “good dad”. The average western, pre-industrial dad spent significant time with his children, whether it be in the family business, the family farm or on their education. Some dads cook a balanced dinner, others specialize in boxed mac ‘n cheese and hotdogs. Some dads work really hard, long hours to provide for their families, but still make time to connect with them. Some dads have superhero reflexes, some dads can shred, some dads can blow your mind with magic tricks and some will go door to door selling Girl Scout cookies. Some dads had to wait a long time for new laws that defined them as a family, too. Some dads didn’t expect a family at all and made it great anyway. Some dads will wear a dress to help their son understand that it’s ok to...
Screw Crossfit, I Want Momfit

Screw Crossfit, I Want Momfit

Many of you have heard of Crossfit; it’s basically a bunch of adults gathering in warehouses nationwide performing high-intensity, high-repetition workouts. Why warehouses? Who knows. While Crossfit has been known to provide a good workout, it’s also well-known for bad form (the faster you try to do a pull-up, the worse your form will be), people overworking themselves, and kind of an obnoxious “I’m-better-than-you” patronage (as seen with all the “Do you even squat, bro?” shirts). Many of my loved ones have tried to convince me to drink the Kool-Aid, but due to those three factors, I really have no interest in it at all. Instead, I’ve decided to create my own cult: Momfit. Here’s how it’s going to go down … The Rules of Momfit: We will meet in parks, so our younger children can play while we work out, and we don’t have to pay for daycare. Each workout will last no more than 40 minutes. We will not blast “Top 40” workout mixes; instead each member will create their own audio track and we will rotate which member’s track plays over the ghetto blaster each day. Each five-minute track needs the following: your baby crying, your 6-year-old screaming “Mom! Mom! Mom!” over and over again, and your spouse asking if you’re going to go out looking like “that.” We will play the track on repeat during the entire workout. The increased blood flow due to your heightened emotions will provide more oxygen and nutrients to your muscles, resulting in you getting more out of the exercises. Members will bring their own pair of 25 lb. kettlebells or twin...