Before you have kids, scary things are pretty universal: spiders, horror movies, tax time, etc. But once you procreate, things get a little more obtuse in the terror department.
Things as inanimate as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich can induce PTSD. The phone that has become an integral part of your existence can betray you. How, you ask?
Read on to learn more about the terrors of parenting…
1. Dinner time
When sitting down to dinner each night, I have no idea if the plates I have prepared will result in my kids asking for seconds or crying uncontrollably. It is like playing a terrifying game of culinary roulette. Every. Night. Tonight they may LOVE peanut butter and jelly, but tomorrow night? They could (and probably will) develop a sudden and life-threatening allergy to all things put before them.
2. Other parents
The worst thing about having to do kid-related activities? The other parents. So why am I scared of other parents? Because they are usually weird. Or judgy. Or weird. Or advice-givers. Or weird. Or Pinterest Perfect. Or, did I mention weird? I once had another parent talk to me two inches from my face. About time travel. For an hour (slowly backs away while maintaining polite eye contact).
Bedtime is scary now because it offers the possibility of a few hours of freedom, but with a giant asterisk. Like just one more story, or another drink of water, or a few more kisses, or a potty break, or a monster in the closet, or a fly in the room, or… Hearing those little feet hit the floor or that adorable little voice squeak, “Mommy?” in the middle of the night is enough to give you nightmares. Let’s face it: bedtime is the new black (cloud over your existence).
4. Potty training
Man, I hate potty training. So much so that I may just send my son off to college in diapers. Seriously. I fear having to potty train all over again because the last time I had to do it nearly gave me a series of rage-induced strokes. I am still recovering. Thanks for asking. And no, my three-year-old still isn’t potty trained yet.
5. Other kids
Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know. Sure, your kids aren’t perfect, but they’re yours. Other kids, well, they are scary. Because they don’t have to listen to you and can talk your kids into all sorts of shenanigans. Or get you into trouble after your kids talk them into some. Or spread the latest plague to your family right before you take off for vacation. Or convince your child that they just HAVE to have the latest (insert extremely expensive and extremely crappy piece of plastic here).
6. “The Call”
“The Call” is when you see the phone number of your kid’s sitter or school come up on your caller ID. It is never because they want to let you know that your kid is a ray of sunshine and puppy dogs and how much they love having them. It is usually because they want to let you know that the projectile vomiting has commenced, or that your kid is on the way to get stitches (or has done something that has resulted in someone else’s kid getting stitches.)
Before kids, silence was golden. After? Silence is SCARY. It never means that the kids are being angelic and wonderful. It means that they have the cat trapped in the bathroom so they can give her a “hair cut”, or that they are in the pantry playing “chef”, or that they just found Mommy’s super absorbent monthly items and are flushing them all while playing “lost at sea”. Shivers.
The post 7 Things That Strike Fear in the Heart of Every Parent appeared first on Babble.