Up until three months, you may have found your baby precious, but you were likely (no offense,) one of a select few. With their scrawny bodies, their cone heads and their splotchy skin, newborns just aren’t all that cute! Now, however, your baby has finally filled out and can widely be considered an adorable addition to the human race, rather than something straight out of a horror movie. Hallelujah!
• Watch out for your baby’s sudden mobility. Translation: It’s only a matter of time before he rolls off the couch, bed, or changing table, and you’ll wonder if you’re really fit to be a mother, after all. Take a deep breath; babies are incredibly resilient, and yours is most likely fine. (Of course, if you’re really concerned, see a doctor.) Chances are, though, it happened to you when you were an infant and you’re totally normal… right? (Hmmm, maybe you shouldn’t answer that.)
• Hand-eye coordination is quickly improving. This means your baby is constantly trying to reach out and touch things and you will soon learn why moms keep their hair in ponytails and stop wearing anything other than stud earrings. In other words, keep your hair in a damn ponytail and stop wearing anything other than stud earrings!
• Colic may be making an appearance this month. Some babies experience gas bubbles and indigestion so severe that you may be convinced they are suddenly possessed by the devil. They aren’t, but that’s probably exactly what it feels like to them, too. Laying flat can make things worse, so try swings or bouncy chairs, and be patient; remember how miserable the gas pains you felt during pregnancy were?
• You doctor already gave you the all-clear, but exhaustion, sleep-deprivation, and lingering baby hormones make sex about as appealing as another hospital stay. At some point, you’ll need to get back in the saddle again, so reacquaint yourself with a razor, have a glass of wine and revisit the magic that got you into this whole mess to begin with. And, for the love of God, use protection.
Scary Mommy Tip: Don’t compare your baby to anyone else’s baby. That annoying mom on Facebook who’s three month old is doing everything sooner than yours? Hide her ass, because that’s a straight-up ticket into the depths of paranoia right there. Motherhood isn’t a competition, and you’ll be a lot happier the sooner you realize this.